Hello doggie disciples! It is me: The Great and Powerful Blanche. Allow me to present your incredibly accurate September horoscopes. Ready? Ok… sit!
Virgo (August 21 – September 20)
Happy Birthday, Virgo Doggos! You are burning with inspiration and ambition this month, or it could just be a Dog Day of Summer heat wave. Either way, beat the heat and bring your panting to a minimum by letting go of all sense of command. Being in control is vastly overrated. The Sun, Mercury and Mars come together the first week of September to give you a piercing intellect that can be put to good use in learning new tricks, digging deeper holes, and finally convincing your human to let you sleep on the bed.
Libra (September 21 – October 20)
Are you ready to experience something new? Well you better be! The planets are aligned to ensure a whole new world of treats and toys, perhaps a new Pet Krewe costume to boot! Be sure to enjoy them and not get hung up on the typical Libra need to balance out joy with sadness. Life’s pleasures are meant to be embraced. Sink your teeth into that tennis ball, leap into the muddy puddle, and show off your latest heavy metal growl for the mail carrier. They’ll love it!
Scorpio (October 21 – November 20)
You may find the first days of September 2019 a bit like slogging through mud that’s up to your snout. Dog planet Pluto, the ruler of Scorpio, has just switched from retrograde to direct motion. This means it’s time to focus on making new furry friends and expanding your network beyond the usual pack. There is plenty of cosmic energy available, so be sure to tap into it and outrun the Frisbee, fly faster than a tennis ball, and dog paddle across a cooling lake.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
Neptune and Uranus are retrograde! This means your fluffy mind will be grappling with some deep issues this month. Who is, in fact, a good dog? Does finally catching up with your tail mean you have completed the circle of life? And are squirrels really just tennis balls thrown by God? This is your time for deep contemplation. Woof. Oum.
Capricorn (December 21 – January 20)
September is a time for Saturn-governed Capricorn canines to focus on existing relationships and what they are telling you. Don’t overlook the obedience lessons here. One cannot receive the blessings of treats and toys until they have learned to sit and lie down. Always make eye contact when lifting your paw to shake, and always get consent before licking a human’s face.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 20)
The extraordinary power of the Sun, Mars and Jupiter in your eighth house will have tremendous impact on water-bearing pooches this month. You are a champion change agent so don’t keep it to yourself. Give the healing waters of the gods away to whomever will receive from you and you will be always happy. This means leave no tree or fire hydrant un-piddled upon, and share your loving kisses with every human and doggo and even cat (*!gasp!*) who needs them! Spread the wealth!
Pisces (February 20 – March 20)
The planets’ positions mean your creative energies are searching for just the right avenue to be expressed. Don’t rush the process; take your time to find what feels right. Perhaps you might try dancing on just your hind legs this month, or maybe do some nose paintings. Piscean puppers who experiment in all artistic fields will find joy and success this month.
Aries (March 21 – April 20)
The Moon is passing through fiery and furry Aries this month. This gives you lots of energy to start new things and express yourself creatively. If you’ve been thinking about rearranging the bedding in your crate or organizing your plush toys and babies, now is the time to do it. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb and dive deeper in swimming pool, creek, or ocean water, either. Mysterious treasures are hidden below, and this is your month to discover them!
Taurus (April 21 – May 20)
This is your month for communication, Taurine doggos! Your barking and wagging, wiggle butt semaphore and wet nose morse code on your human’s hand will be extra effective throughout September. Be bold and expressive, summon the great Mutt Muse, and compose the epic tale of your noble breed.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Emphasis this month is on home, family and your emotional self. Things may feel just a bit overwhelming so it’s time to nurture yourself. Treat yourself to a manicure, mud bath, or prolonged self-licking session. You can sort out relationship needs sensitively with extra butt sniffs and playful romps at the dog park. Follow the guidance of Dog Star Sirius and build your pack into a fun-loving squad and head out on the town.
Cancer (June 21 -July 20)
September offers great opportunities to make new friends, promote yourself, and inch your way to top-dog status. Cancer canines will crave all things wet and wild this month, so lead the pack into cooling streams and puddles wherever you can find them. Your soggy dog followers will thank you for it. The humans, maybe next month.
Leo (July 21 – August 20)
Doggy doors are opening for you this month! The stars have aligned to guarantee every opportunity for extra nibbles, sniffs, and play, but the planets may block your ability to see them. Pay extra close attention to humans in yoga pants this month, as they are the keepers of the keys to your happiness. Stay alert, be ready, and September will be a time of blissful belly rubs, and plentiful BBQ scraps.
Wishing All of You a Splendid September!
Peace & Paws,
Stella & Blanche
Missed last month's Pet Horoscope? Read it here!