Hello doggie disciples! It is us: The Great and Powerful Blanche and the Mystical Stella. Allow us to present your incredibly accurate December horoscopes. Ready? Ok…sit!
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
Fire sign Sagittarian pups crave companionship more than any other sign. This month you may find new furries joining the pack wearing a big bow or some wrapping paper. Show them they are welcome by introducing them to the pleasures of pulling tinsel off the tree and chasing the family cat onto Grandma’s head.
Capricorn (December 21 – January 20)
Because you Capricorn canines have your birthday right in the middle of the holiday season, you naturally assume that all of the festivities are in honor of your birthday and that you are very special! That’s true. All of this is for you. If anyone tells you otherwise, jump up on the dining room table and practice your yodeling skills until they surrender. Happy Birthday!
Aquarius (January 21 – February 20)
Air sign Aquarian pets are unpredictable, as everyone knows. Use that to your advantage this month. Don’t even go into the kitchen while the feasts are being prepared; wait quietly on the couch while getting scratched by the funny-smelling uncle. Then, when everyone is at the table, quietly sneak in and lap up all the drippings. No one will suspect a thing.
Pisces (February 20 – March 20)
Pisces pups are mystical and can predict the future. If it weren’t so hard to catch, your ball should be a crystal ball. You can sense which human is most likely to let you lick their plate, and you smell things before they happen. Use this ability throughout holiday get togethers, and prepare to enjoy many a celestial snack.
Aries (March 21 – April 20)
For Aries critters, this a great month to explore your spiritual side. Do some extra Downward Facing Dog yoga poses and seek out the Cockapoo guru that’s right for you.
Taurus (April 21 – May 20)
Bring on the horoscope jealousy because Taurean doggos got it made in December! The universe and humans are feeding you cosmic and tasty treats in every way that matters to your sweet, practical heart. Stay true to your furry self and Hannukah latkes, Christmas turkey, and Festivus meatloaf will rain down upon thee.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The dual nature of the Gemini pupper means December will be filled with the desire to run and jump and play outside in leaf piles and snow banks, but also want to stay inside where it's warm and table scraps are plentiful. The cosmic region of the Gemini dog is the belly, so look forward to plenty of tummy scratches this holiday season.
Cancer (June 21 -July 20)
The planets are on the move for you, Crabby Canine! Career ambitions will be your focus this month and you’re in luck: Pet Krewe offers multiple dog modeling opportunities, and if that doesn’t work out, there’s always the Iditarod.
Leo (July 21 – August 20)
This month is about health and energy for the proud, regal beagle (and all other breeds). Sure, dive into that Holiday Ham - just be sure to run it off later while chasing your favorite stick or ball. On a pup as vain as you are, extra pounds won’t help your butt-sniff-social life.
Virgo (August 21 – September 20)
The Virgo dog is a master of stressful situations. When your human starts talking about boring things like politics at the dinner table with their litter mates, just lick their faces until everyone laughs. Make them forget whatever silly thing they were saying and focus on what’s important this month: treats and feasts!
Libra (September 21 – October 20)
This month is all about wealth and prosperity for Libran critters. Gather all your favorite toys, babies, and dug-up bones into one safe place – preferably under your human’s pillow – and let it stay there through the New Year. It will most certainly attract interest, and the two legs in your house will admire your savings habits.
Scorpio (October 21 – November 20)
Scorpio is ruled by the Dog-Planet Pluto. This means that you’re highly emotional and big-time prone to jealousy. If you see your human giving Milk-bones or muzzle rubs to some other dog, step back, take a breath and let it go. Remember, YOU are the master of the house, queen of the castle, and no other pooch could ever take your place.
Wishing All of You Safe and Happy Howl-i-days,
Peace & Paws,
Stella & Blanche
Missed last month's Pet Horoscope? Read it here!