Hello doggie disciples! It is us: The Great and Powerful Blanche and the Mystical Stella. Allow us to present your incredibly accurate October horoscopes. Ready? Ok…sit!
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
It’s your birthday, so by our count, you are older and wiser by a factor of seven. And by wiser, we mean you are super smarter, but just this month. So, don’t waste it. That is all. And happy barkday BTW. Ruff.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)
You will have many visitors at the end of the month who will try to scare you into forking over your treats. Do not fall for it! Use your secret weapon to fight back: put on your cutest costume and flash your puppy eyes, and in no time, they’ll be eating out of your paws instead.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
Beware of the trash in your house. It may look delicious and be calling your name like, “Hey, I’m delicious!” But you must resist. More harm than good will come from eating the trash and your human will not be pleased.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)
It’s Halloween this month and that can only mean two things: your birthday is in two or three months, maybe four. We aren’t sure. And second, if you put on a cute costume at Halloween, you will get lots of treats from humans.
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)
A new dog will cross your path later this month. Is it true love for life, or just a fall fling with some dog with whom you enjoy rummaging through carefully raked piles of leaves? This will be determined by how long you have before your humans start screaming. Bon chance!
PISCES (February 19-March 20)
You will get a new job this month. It may be ruff at first, but fear not, you will quickly pawsper and receive positive reinforcement and praise. Treats too. What more does a dog need?
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
You and your human will binge watch a lot of new Fall TV this month, mostly premium cable and Netflix, but also a few shows on network TV because contrary to conventional wisdom, network television is still relevant…or so we hear.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Some of your treats may be extra chewy this month. Don’t become discouraged and spit them out because they will stick to your ears and then you will have to get a haircut or a bath when all you wanted to do was eat treats. Just keep chewing. Trust us.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
You will meet a cat this month. He will be very cool. Listen to this cool cat and learn. He has much to teach you about music and bones.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Goat yoga may be all the rage, but this is the month for you to Downward Dog. Get off your hind legs and learn a new trick. It will make you feel like a puppy again.
LEO (July 23-August 22)
Now’s the time to finally find that bone you’ve been hiding in the yard for the past 5 days, 3 years, 29 hours and 14 seconds. Or maybe it was yesterday? Regardless, it’s finally paaaawfectly aged and ready to eat!
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
It’s Pumpkin Spice Latte Season! It’s Pumpkin Spice Latte Season! Make haste! Get your human and get going!
Missed last month's Pet Horoscope? Read it here!