Pet Horoscope - March 2019

Hello doggie disciples! It is me: The Great and Powerful Blanche. Allow me to present your incredibly accurate February horoscopes. Ready? Ok… sit!


Pisces (February 20 – March 20)

Piscean Pups’ March forecast indicates a number of mistakes you’ll encounter and/or cause which won’t be pleasant at all. Take extra care to pee on the right pad (not a human’s comforter), and don’t eat anything with the word CHOCOLATE on it. This month is all about slow, grueling progress, so put one paw in front of the other and climb to the top of the dog pile!

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Spring has sprung! Aries doggos must forget being shy and actively seek out sunshine and socializing. Planetary positions this month suggest you will be able to solve twice as many problems as normally, so this is a time to tackle that puzzle bowl that’s been confusing you for weeks!


Taurus (April 21 – May 20)

The stars indicate this month is ideal for a new hairstyle. Taurus pups, now is the time to go to the groomer and ask for a purple star to be dyed on your furry haunches, or perhaps have your tail shaved into a lion’s poof to match your Pet Krewe Lion Mane. New do, new you!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

For Gemini critters March will seem like an impenetrable web of leashes, collars, and fences. But don’t despair! In fact, the stars suggest that this month your ability to cope with stressful situations will improve remarkably. So sit back, take a deep breath and start experimenting with some Rescue Remedy, Dog TV, and Dogo Yoga.

Cancer (June 21 -July 20)

Cancer Creatures should use the New Moon on March 10 to activate their strong intuitive skills, and plant new seeds of creativity. Release what is not worth keeping like old toys that have been chewed beyond recognition, or that secret can of kitty pate you’ve kept under your blanket. Your hard work providing security for others will pay off – all that barking at dangerous criminals delivering mail or dropping off pet costumes has not been in vain!

Leo (July 21 – August 20)

Your relationships are up for healing this month. Was there a friendly pup at the dog park that maybe you parked at a bit too aggressively? Perhaps you played a *bit* too hard with your human’s visiting mate and now they’re terrified of you. Make amends this March – lick the hand that feeds you, play nice with the younger pups, and share your toys with other dogs. Just not with cats. Never with cats.


Virgo (August 21 – September 20)

Virgo canines must watch out for forgetfulness this month. You can easily misplace your favorite tennis ball or chew bones, or even what time is dinner o’clock – hard to believe, I know! Try to go with the flow and don’t be upset if you can’t find something; it just gives you an opportunity to sniff our something new!

Libra (September 21 – October 20)

Puppers under this sign are running in different directions this month trying to keep the whole world in balance. If you only focus on keeping others happy, you may miss the gifts of personal growth. Yes, lick and love the Frisbee-throwing human, but take some time for yourself. Home and hearth call for your attention; you intuitively know a house only becomes a home with an emotionally centered dog in it.


Scorpio (October 21 – November 20)

This month home is where the hound is for Scorpio doggos. Creative endeavors like digging geometric holes in the yard and yellow snow calligraphy will bring you great joy. So will human children. Seek them out, smother them with kisses and your rewards shall be endless! Treats and belly rubs galore!

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)

According to the whispers of the celestial spheres, your clothes, scent, and the overall appearance will be more important than ever this month. How you silently project your innermost self will depend on what shampoo you use and what costume you choose. Remind yourself that it is still early in the new year and the possibilities of your reinvented self are endless!


Capricorn (December 21 – January 20)

Capricorn canines are in for a stressful month unless they actively choose to abandon retaliation and resentment. Lick and forgive others wherever possible. A dastardly dachshund keeps marking your favorite fire hydrant? Just sniff the news on the evening breezes and move on. You might find that letting go of anger is harder than usual this month, but the benefits you reap will be worth it.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 20)

The stars have aligned for you this month, water-bearing beasts! March is a month of manifestation for you and for creative minds like yours, the sky’s the limit! Focus on what you know will bring you the greatest joy, call it forth out of the universe and be ready to receive it. Just remember, to catch a squirrel, you must be the squirrel.

Wishing All of You a Splendid Spring!

Peace & Paws,

Stella & Blanche

& Poomba….

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